A Summer of Sorry

I’m sure there are so many worries a first-time-second-time mom has: how will I make enough love for both my babies, how will I find the time, the energy, is this the right time to make our family bigger, do we need to have more babies . . . luckily I’ve been able to answer most of these with an open mind, but there are obvious unforeseen situations that have arose.

As I sit here sobbing as my third summer with one of the most amazing people I know draws to an end, I’m sad to say they aren’t happy tears. This summer doesn’t end with an “I’m so happy we had an amazing time” post, but rather a regretfully heavy heart; and all I can say is, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry we’ve memorized the Disney Junior TV schedule because we’ve watched way too much TV.

I’m sorry lunches sometime consisted of popcorn, cheese sticks, and bananas.

I’m sorry mommy often has to lie down, can’t play as long, gets headaches, and feels sick a lot.

I’m sorry the most common phrase I felt you used this summer is “mommy, I make it feel better”.

I’m sorry I spent more money on items to occupy you with rather than spend time to make memories with you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t stay out in the heat very long and it would cut our park trips shorter than you wanted.

I’m sorry I didn’t want to jump in the bounce house with you, and preferred to sit there and watch.

I’m sorry we went to the pool a whopping one time.

I’m sorry I looked forward to time away from my family, sometimes, more than time with my family.

I’m sorry I would take extra long showers at the gym because I knew you would have more fun with the daycare ladies than with me.

I’m sorry I lost patient with you over things a mommy shouldn’t lose patient with a two and a half year old.

But I also want to thank you for still hugging and snuggling with me every morning, for asking to take naps in mommy's bed, for stopping in mid play and asking if you could hug me, for telling me you love me whenever it came to you, for understanding, and for being my little baby girl. You are going to be an amazing big sister; you are kind, and thoughtful, creative, and fun. I can’t wait to see you in your new role. I love you. Enjoy your school year with your friends. I’ll make the summer up to you soon. 

Angry Momma (pissed off, more like it)

Ok, so I know I haven't blogged in almost over a year... but I'm pissed off and have to get a few things off my chest before I do anything rash.
To start off, I'm pissed, momma pissed. Like -- you messed with my baby, questioning my parenting tactics  put other kids before my kids, pissed me off, momma pissed.
Call me crazy, but my kid uses a binki, nook, paci, etc. She needs it to sooth herself, here's the really crazy part: I'M OK WITH IT. For goodness sakes, I know five-year-olds who still suck their thumbs (what's the effing difference??).
Scene One: Stella started back to the same daycare in August, after our summer break. I noticed quite a bit of hesitation on her part about going back to daycare after a few weeks or so. Then I over heard one of the directors state, how they "rip, snatch, yank that thing out of her mouth". Light-bulb moment - I asked the director to stop doing this, and Stella anxiety subsided ten-fold.
Scene Two - A few months ago I noticed Stella's usual 2-3 hour nap had turned into 20, 35, 10 minutes and the one time of NO NAP that read across her daily report. I asked what was going on and low and behold, they weren't letting her have her binki during nap time anymore. We had fallen into a good routine of her not needing it during the day, and then taking it at nap time... I asked they pick up the schedule again. Crisis averted the second time and we were back to normal.
Scene Three - Today I walk in to pick her up. There is a lengthy note on her daily report as to how the other kids are starting to get jealous of Stella having her binki, and they are asking I no longer give it to her at school. I asked if she was sleeping without it, "No, she won't sleep without it"....
Now, I ask you this, are they making sure the kids who are sucking their thumbs are refraining for the children whose parents don't want their kids to suck their thumbs? Doubtful! Needless to say Stella is back to sleeping 35 minutes a day because they are refusing to give her the binki. I don't see the point. I don't know what it's like to manage 2yo (I work with 15+) but I don't see why my child has to forego, if it benifits her. She obviously needs naps, long naps, and she's not getting them.

I talked to Michael and my mom, both thinks we should try it for a while, but if she doesn't start taking efficient naps, she gets the binki. (I'll keep this updated)
I just don't understand people's hangups with binkis.... little known fact, I had mine until I was FOUR!