Blessings

I counted them recently; they are vast.

Thursday.

Shower. Shaved.

Library. Good Read.

QT. Water and Hot Tamales (A Fat Free Candy).

Pool. Suntan.

Ham and Swiss. Extra Pickles.

Pure Self-Indulgence. Twing of Guilt.

Stella. Teeth, Soon!

Airplane with Daddy. Belly Laughs and Giggles.

Thursday. Good.

Crazy is OK

Yesterday I finally got my stitches out. It started out like the rest of the days had sleeping, net surfing, errands, but at 2:00 I high-tailed it over to the surgeon’s office.

As I was getting them taken out, my surgeon, an older lady, plump, with dark brown hair and bright blue eyes was talking to me about the difficulties of recovery. She mentioned numerous times my gallbladder was” hot, hot, hot, very infected” so it was a good thing to get out. But she also mentioned that bouts of depression following upper abdominal surgery are very common “So if you have crying spell, feel easily irritated, and/or just plain pissed off and you don’t know why, this very well could be it.”

Ahha!

When I was relaying the news to my mom her comment made me think… “So you’re going crazy, but it’s ok to be going crazy right now, that should make you feel a little better.” Interestingly enough it did. Something goes haywire and you don’t have an explanation for it you only consider your going crazy, but if someone tells you haywire things are normal for about six weeks post surgery, “going crazy” doesn’t seem so . . . crazy.

Depression is a fickle thing in the human life. I think I’m right to guess all of us, at least once, will go through depression spells. We lose a loved one, we get diagnosed with something, we hit our head on the car door after a long hard day a work, or we just drop our phone in the toilet and have no means of communication. Whatever the size of the wave of depression, we all can at least relate to the down-in-the-dumps, hopelessness feeling that is associated with something slightly taboo to talk about.

So I guess my mom’s right; the crying spells, the sleeping 3-4 hours during the day, the lack of interest in things, is to be expected after undergoing two surgeries, diagnosed with hypertension, and delivering a baby in less than a year… Currently (for four weeks) I’m cleared to “go crazy”!

Realization day….

I had a realization that this recovery week might not be 100% physical, but also mental. And I have a feeling Michael and my mom knew that, sneaky.

After the adventure and a night without A/C the morning started off well. It was 10:00 before everyone left so again I was left with the thought not too long to wait until everyone gets home. I dilly-dallied on the internet for some time, until realizing the Facebook status updates had become stagnant and then decided to take a bath. Yes, a good old fashion bath, I turned the water on as hot as it would go, squeezed a much bubble bath as I could, and melted in. I think I stayed there for at least a half hour, the water was chilled by the time I decided to rinse off in the shower, well worth it as far as mental recovery is concerned.

Made myself a ham and Swiss sandwich and ran errands, and by that time it was 2:30. I found myself upset I only would get about a 2 hour nap before everyone got home – again I think this was starting the mental recovery. So I tried to sleep, didn’t happen quite as long as I’d hope. Made a fruit salad and Michael, Stella, and I went to a friends for dinner. Life is hopefully back to normal sooner than expected.

Best part of the day Stella got fussy about midnight and we brought her into bed with us to sleep the rest of the night away. In love! (PS realizing Stella seems to really enjoy her daycare buddies)

Recovery Week - Day One

Yesterday was my first day in my week of recovery. Though it may seem minuscule in the scheme of life, I am still in need of this week, and much recovery.

Michael and my mom did some convincing that Stella should go into daycare for a week. Though I feel like I could lift her and take care of her myself, my second organ removal of the summer and the caring people in my life disagreed. So yesterday at 7:00AM my husband took my Bean to be cared for by more able bodies.

The day started out as I expected, I cried. A lot. I cried because I wasn’t capable of taking care of my baby, I cried because my summer didn’t go as planned, I cried because I had multiple organs removed in a matter of months, which is ridiculous, I cried because I missed my mom, I cried because of the toll these stupid situations are taking on my relationship with Michael, and after I cried it all out I slept. A lot.

I think I would have slept the day away not wanting to be awake without Stella here, not wanting to think about how my plans for the most amazing summer, where we were going to start table food, and learn to crawl, and maybe start saying “da da” had gone to crap. But Michael called about noon to check on me, it was good to talk to him and he convinced me to get up and get out.

Showered and put together I made a taco run, a Wal-Mart run, and little here and there errands. It was good to get out and I was thankful it was late afternoon as I wouldn’t have to wait too long for them to get home. I spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching stupid reruns and about 4:45 sat at the window seat that overlooks the driveway. Once I saw the truck pull down our street I ran out to meet them. I couldn’t see, hug, squeeze, smell, and kiss them soon enough and was so thankful they were home at a good time.

Typical night followed with dinner and “night night” and Michael and I laid on the couch with each other and just talked; though thankful for the day to myself I think most of my recovery happened while I was with them.

We are on day two of recovery, started off rocky with no A/C, but my skillful husband was able to fix it (as he’s able to fix a lot of things) so I hope it doesn’t stay rocky.

My Better-Half (The Window Cleaner)

With father’s day in June and another blogger I follow paying homage to their spouse I got on a Michael kick, and figure I should honor it.

Michael and I have known each other for eight years now, married almost four of those years and together nearly seven of them so I figure an acknowledgement is the least I can do. After all I’m reminded daily of the things that would be impossible without him, i.e. Stella. But it’s another take to look at what is actually possible with him.

For instance we were cleaning our house last night and he suggested washing the windows. “The windows?” I thought, are they really that dirty we need to clean them? So I skipped over the suggestion light-heartedly and did something else. However, today the cleaning bug got a hold of me and I started cleaning the upstairs and turned to the windows. I could tell immediately they were dirty when I sprayed the Windex across them. I stood there rather astonished and then noticed how dirty all the windows actually were. So after I cleaned them all I realized with Michael’s help I was able to make a good thing (what I thought was a good thing) better. Though a long stretch for a metaphor, I felt it was a perfect at describing what Michael does best.

He’s able to take a good thing, say me, and make it even better. Just with a little suggestion, and a hard headed lady to actually follow through, it got better.

I lost a lot of my self confidence in college, the one repeated characteristic Michael said made him initially fall in love with me. Somewhere between the mixture of books, heartache, Freshman 15, bad roommates/good roommates, and my parent’s divorce, I lost it. Michael has always been trying ways to help me find it, but I somehow just refuse. Sometimes it’s like the windows acting like I will, but with really no intention of doing so, or I flat out yell and scream a refusal.

My window cleaner, that’s what he is. Truthful, helpful, madly in love with his daughter. Turning to me for the smallest little kiss or cuddle, when I shrug it off. “I’m too tired” the lustlessness is strong with a seven month old in the house. But with each jester, cute texts, sweet touches I grow a little more confident and realize Michael will eventually win me over. I will catch some bug and actually decide to clean those windows and realize how much Michael can do for me.

Maybe I really need to consider my window cleaner’s ability a little more and just try it… After all a little Windex never hurt anyone.

Ear, teeth, lungs, cranky-pants!

Well you would think a mother who has all summer off with her gorgeous baby would write more often about the wonderful trips we are taking, the long hours spent in the library, the daily trips to the pool, etc. Or you may think that’s one crazy and busy momma, we’ll hear about all the fun at the end of the summer… That’s my hope.

Michael and I have used the phrase “we just can’t get ahead” quite often in our life together. Most of the time this has referred to him getting laid off at inopportune times (when is it opportune?). Just when we think things will work out, we can finally get a bill paid off, something snaps and we are back to square one. I guess you could say this is how my summer started off.

I was all set to walk a group of my students down for graduation the Sunday of my first summer off and woke with a horrible pain in my “lower left abdomen”. A quick trip to the ER, blood work, and a CT scan later I had appendicitis. Surgery the next day and sent home with lifting restriction of 20lbs for 15 days. Thanks to my perfect DNA combine with Michael’s, also perfect, DNA we made a huge baby and yes at 7month she weighed just that, 20lbs!

"Just can’t get ahead" – We are still paying off Michael’s appendectomy from 2009!

So the first week my mom and Michael do what they do best and cared for me and the Bean. The second week Stella and I took an impromptued visit to my mom’s and stayed the week with friends and lifting assistance, it’s easy when your babies cute!

The third week things started to get back on track. I figured out Stella preferred a grand schedule that alternated solids, and bottle feedings, and naps almost to a T. I was thrilled. Things were going well. We made a stop by the library, the pool, play-dates with other babies…

But alas “We Just can’t get ahead”

Stella developed a bad ear infection (her first, and God willing her last) over the weekend. This gave her breathing problems and a low-grade fever. She’s been on Albuteral treatments and antibiotics since Saturday; another scare and glitch in the system life. Her breathing seems to be better, and then worst, so I can’t figure out if we’re ever on the upswing with that. The infection and pain in her ear seems to be subsiding, but the antibiotics are giving her diarrhea and bad diaper rash. She doesn’t have an appetite, therefore she only want a bottle (this doesn’t help the diarrhea) so I’m slipping rice into her bottles.

She started teething again. I hope this time is for real and we actually see some results. I think I feel bumps and I think this is another cause of her low appetite. Needless to say she's uncomfortable, sleepy, and just plan cranky.

Hopefully things thin out this week and we just get ahead!

Photo of my "Sick Bean" taken by her Auntie Michele

Stella Bella

A button nose
And sapphire eyes
Rose petal lips
And giggly sighs

Squeals and squeaks
Bubbles and coos
My life is blessed
With I love yous!!

Written by the world's greatest Grandma.

Summer's a Comin'

Well I officially have 5.5 days left until I am off all summer. I am so overjoyed by this tid-bit of information I can hardly keep it to myself. And the best part of it all is it’s keeping me in a good mood! Stella and I are literally going to spend every waking hour together this summer and I couldn’t be more thrilled about anything, I’m serious folks, not even a trip to Hawaii could beat out this feeling I have!

· I had my first officially mother’s day this month. It was wonderful. I spent it with Stella, Michael, and my mom (my three favorite people ever). Michael got me flowers, my mom cooked for us and we went on walks, fabulous. (Also if you aren’t catching on, I’m easy to please)
· I’m wrapping up things with school. All my students are focusing on their big final projects and seniors are out of here in less than a week. I’m working hard on getting my first yearbook together and complete by the end of next week!
· I’ve decided to grow my hair out and go dye-less this summer, admittedly, though I am starting to gray right at my hair line, so we’ll see how long that last.
· Michael and I have it on our agenda to act as though we’re paying the $200 a week for daycare, but instead paying down stupid bills and hopefully catching up by the summer’s end.
· We don’t have any vacations planned, though we may venture to Tennessee to see Michael’s sister or Georgia to see his Aunt, this contradicts us saving money so we’ll see.
· I’ve bought a bike trailer and am looking for a bike. Stella and I are going to hit the pool and trail daily so I can work this extra weight off. She’ll be my motivator for sure.
· Stella starts SKIP swim lessons May 30, totally excited for this!!!

Stella is a great eater, has been for a few weeks now. We started her on the rice cereal just at four months, and kept that up for a few weeks or so. We started adding pureed veggies and grains and things are going great. She gums on apple pieces and bananas if she can pick them up.
She’s been a wonderful sleeper since day one! And for this I am so thankful. She does wake off schedule ever once in awhile and this week seems to be one of those; getting up at 11 or 12ish for a bottle and again at 3 or 4ish. I read teething and developmental accomplishments will disrupt sleeping habits. I think she’s going through both. She’s able to sit now, though not full on her own. She was rolling a while back but hasn’t managed to do it again, and still hates tummy time.
Six month check up will be in June.

The Nose Knows

A few weeks ago we officially moved Stella to her crib. She did wonderfully as we were strong at establishing a routine for bedtime when she was tiny, and holding true to the routine the little bean falls right to sleep.

Also after the stay in the hospital it all proved too stressful for me to produce milk and Stella wouldn’t even take my breast, so we moved to just formula about two weeks ago and this combined with sleeping in her own room helped mom and dad to alternate nights.

However, lately she’s started a new waking time, an extra one. She use to sleep from 7:00PM to about 3:30AM. We would get up with her, feed her and she would fall right back to sleep until 7:00AM. But for the past two weeks she’s been waking up about 11:00PM eating a little and falling back to sleep, or should I say struggling back to sleep. No we don’t stick a bottle in her right away. We’ve tried the patting, the soothing, the singing, the mobile, the white noise machine, the swaying, the binki, but all this only leads to her crying louder so we resort to a bottle.

On Wednesday of this week I tried the rice cereal for the first time, hoping it might fix the 11:00 waking. Well she woke up, I think out of habit, but I was able to rock her back to sleep. The only catch is I also wrapped her in the nighty shirt I was wearing before I laid her back to bed.

Now the thing I’m learning about this baby thing is to not try two things at once, in this case it was the rice cereal and the nighty shirt. Trying two things at the same time will only keep you guessing which one worked, as you don’t have a control group and are too scared to take one or the other away.

Last night we didn’t have time for rice cereal, and she work up at 11:00. It was Michael’s night for the early shift (as we take shifts, not nights now) and he tried to do all the soothing, nothing worked. Then made her a tiny 3oz bottle (she’s drinking 6oz at a time). She only drank 2oz and feel back to sleep. She struggled though, and I got up… I remembered the nighty shirt from the night before so I did the same thing and she snuggled right up to it.

She naps so well in my bed against my pillow, she's even able to "self-sooth" when she's in my bed. I have now made the connection it’s about the smells. My smell in particular.

I’m working on patenting an air freshener that you can load your mommy smell into…. :-)

You Are My Sunshine

When I was little my mom would give me a bath and afterwards pull me out of the tub wrap me in a big towel and rock my in her lap while singing:

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away

I have found myself singing that song obviously more often in the last four months than I ever have before, and for good reason, I have a sunshine to sing it to now. But the one line in the song I realized was false tonight. It says “you’ll never know dear, how much I love you” but as of today I realize I do know how much my mom loves me, because I know how much I love Stella.

I love that she laughs at me and that when I talk she looks in my direction.

I love that she goes to bed so well, but hate that it’s so early, because all I want to do is play with her.

I love that I felt guilty dropping you off at daycare on my day off, because I’ve never had a reason to feel that kind of guilt before.

I love that you have blue eyes like you daddy, and that your cheeks are wonderfully soft and chubby, and great for kissing.

I love that I spend my free time reading about how to make your life easier and how to play with you so that you’re smart.

I love that my prayers consist of asking God for your health, safety, and happiness.

I love that I now know how much my mom loves me because of how I love you.

I love knowing that someday you'll be able to realize how much I love you.

RSV becomes Pneumonia

Since Stella has been in daycare, I’ve only got two calls from them, but whatever the reason, when I see the name on the caller ID my heart takes a leap. The first time they called, it was because she was going through a growing sprit and they thought they might run out of milk before the end of the day, something that could easily be taken care of. The second time was much different.

On Monday I got a call from the lovely lady who watches the infants. She informed me Stella had a rough morning, as she was crying and coughing all morning and then proceeded to vomit all her morning bottle up over herself. Then she informed me she had a fever.

Stella had been sick for three weeks, with a cold. We were in the emergency room at the beginning of those three weeks because her fever got so high, but they said it was just a virus and sent us home with the “lots of fluid and plenty of rest” remedy.

I couldn’t get off work so Michael took this one and called the doc and picked her up from daycare. According to Michael her pulse-ox (amount of oxygen in her blood) upon arrival to the doc office was in the 80%. She was rapidly breathing and grunting to get a breath. They gave her a nebulizer treatment and pulse-ox went up. Michael called to tell me the prognoses:

“So . . . don’t be worried, but . . . the doctor told me I needed to go to the hospital and check Stella into the ER”. My heart sank, I couldn’t keep the tears from coming I took a breath and tried to think. I was going to finish out the day, grab some stuff at home and head over there… YEAH, RIGHT! There was no way I was going to be able to work the rest of the day. So the wonderful secretary called in a last minute sub for me and I left.

I went home and grab things that I thought I needed: pj’s, chap-stick, contacts, toothbrush, only really hoping it wasn’t bad enough to have to stay the night.

When I got to the hospital Michael and Stella were sitting in the rocking chair of the Peds ER and rocking and singing, my heart sank again as I was so thankful to have an amazing husband to be such an amazing daddy to this little sick baby of ours. Over the period of four hours they did chest x-rays, mucus suction, nebulizer treatments, RSV check, and then they came in with the news that our baby had RSV which developed into double pneumonia (both lungs).

I cried. I bawled.

I felt guilty. I sent my sick baby to daycare; I didn’t know she was that sick, I felt like a bad mom. I felt helpless, sick. I was scared.

I made a food run for Michael and when I got back they were doing her IV. I saw my baby strapped down, screaming, scared, Michael worried and trying to calm her while they got that tiny butterfly needle into her arm. They also had her wear the oxygen tubing around her ears with the two little pieces going into her nose.

Over the course of three days she got: nebulizer treatments every four hours, antibiotics every 8 hours, a constant IV drip of fluids, and every nurse who walked through her door to fall in love with her.

Through all this, she was truly stronger than I ever was. She smiled and cooed. She played and acted like she was just fine. Her red sleepy eyes would have told you otherwise, but her smile kept me going.

Sleep Well Stella Bean

Previously before going into the hospital to be induced Michael and I set up the bassinet in our room. A lovely co-sleeper style by ArmsReach http://www.armsreach.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3_1&products_id=19 we got from a group of college friends in October, and she has slept in it every night since we've brought her home. It is honestly the one thing I have used on a daily bases and that I’m so happy about getting and would totally recommend to anyone about to have a baby.

We have toyed with the idea of the crib, putting her down for naps on the weekend. There were a few talks about moving her to her room for night time here and there. Of course I read tons of articles, blogs, and books. Talked to several reliable mommies who had good opinions on sleeping arrangements. Michael thought it would help us get more sleep, ironically he’s able to sleep through anything and isn’t the one missing sleep. Other mom’s would say they weren’t able to keep their baby in there room long at all, others said their seven month old was still sleeping with them. So it was an up and down world and I realized I had to do what was best for me, Michael, but most of all Stella.

This was one thing that was truly personal and neither I nor Stella could be rushed into.

So here we are tonight, Feb 26, 2011 and I’ve put Stella to sleep in her crib for the first time for night time. Its bitter sweet, but I think she is more ready for it than anyone and that’s what makes the situation more comforting than anything. My baby girl, though young, is growing up; becoming independent. It makes me happy to think she’s starting to develop into this littler person, one that can be on her own. It’s melancholy to know that we are no longer attached, or need to be next to each other all the time.

But that’s life. My baby will grow up but hopefully we won’t grow apart.

Sleep well Stella Bean, sleep well.

Lazy Breastfeeder...

Breastfeeding to me was one of those things I didn’t think much about. I was going to do it, I figured it was nature’s way of providing for the baby so it would work just fine. Thankfully for me it did just that. Day one of Stella’s life she was latching right on, with the help of a nipple shield, and we were making milk. I stayed in the hospital long enough with all my blood pressure problems; I was making more than enough for her by the time we left.

*Nipple Shield – my breast are rather large and with the engorgement of the milk my nipples stretched out so they weren't a good shape for her to latch on to. The shield basically suction cupped over my nipple to form a shape Stella could suck. http://www.amazon.com/Medela-Contact-Nipple-Shield-2820mm-2e-29/dp/B000YQMWLU I recommend them for anyone who might have latching on difficulties.

With my ample supply of milk and only getting six weeks of maternity leave you think I would have taken advantage of it and pumped like crazy. Only I didn’t. The first time I pumped I cried. It seemed weird to have some machine sucking on me when it could be my own daughter. It wasn’t a bonding experience and it wasn’t a loving nurturing thing to pump. So I put it away and didn’t think much about it.

A few doctor visits, pediatrician visits, and collaborations with other moms later I realized what a gift I had in this supply. So I started the pumping. I was getting about 4oz from each breast at a time. The only thing I was only pumping about once a day, thinking that would be enough.

The first week I went back to work and Stella stayed home with my mom I thought we were in business. I was still pumping about 9-10 oz total through the day and that’s about how much she was eating. The second week was just the same; however, we started to see how quickly the frozen milk was being used up and by the end of the week we didn’t have much left. So Michael and I made the decision to start supplementing with formula.
*Supplementing means to use formula when breast milk can’t be used, but to focus on breast feeding as the primary source of food.

The formula made it an easy way for me to turn lazy. I had the supply there of formula and didn’t need to maintain the milk, because I knew we had made the decision to use both. But I didn’t like being lazy and I wanted to keep nursing. I would put Stella to the breast and started to realize she would hardly get anything. Then I couldn’t remember the last time I had pumped. I was getting lazy at the expense of my own daughter.

So this week I’m back on the wagon. I’ve been nursing when she’s hungry, though she doesn’t get much and still needs a bottle afterwards, we are getting there. I pumped today at work and realize the more I nurse, pump, drink water, and eat nutritious foods, the more milk I will make. Also Michael is so supportive of breastfeeding and that makes a world of differeance and is very encouraging.

I love breastfeeding and would recommend it to everyone having a baby. It’s such a great experience, such and amazing joy to get that close to your baby, to let you body do what nature has intended it to do. I’m a big supporter and truly believe in the benefits of it. Wish me luck, my goal is to keep breastfeeding through the school year and exclusively through the summer!

CIO

I hate acronyms, I always have. I especially hate this one. I quickly realized between all the baby blogs and websites that acronyms are a common thing among this community. I would spend hours Googling them only to find out DH meant “dear husband” and other stupid stuff people could just as easily type out then come up with an acronym for.


So when I first starting researching ways to help Stella “self sooth” so she can learn to fall asleep on her own, CIO was something I came across. CIO stands for cry it out. Again no need to shorten it, not even for a text message in my opinion, but nonetheless they did. Michael and I both agreed at this young of an age Stella wasn't ready for many self-soothing methods, especially CIO. . .

We’ve enrolled Stella in a daycare, I won’t disclose which one as I’m about to bash on it rather hardcore. And I guess they really shouldn’t take it personally, I would bash on any place we take her because it’s impossible to find quality care up to my standards.
The first week Stella only attended two days as the rest were snow days. We both got the pleasure of sleeping in and snuggling. So this week was her first full week there. (Disclaimer: this week in general was a rough week. She had a cold, got her first round of shots, and developed a fever, so anything on top of that was going to cause me to breakdown).

Wednesday was the roughest night of the week. Her fever was highest, she was really stuffy, and she seemed to be going hoarse. Michael dropped her off on Thursday morning and the infant teacher mentioned that she sounded hoarse the previous day. Michael agreed and told her we thought it was because she was sick. My baby was still hoarse the next night, again still thinking it was the cold.

Friday night I picked her up and the teacher in the infant room was from another room, subbing, but she was young and talked a lot. (A good thing for a mother looking for information other people might not tell you.) I saw Stella was sleeping in the crib and asked how they were able to get her in there (as we still haven’t put her in the crib at our house, and the last I heard from daycare she was “spoiled” and would only sleep if someone held her or was in the bouncer). Well come to find out they’ve been leaving her in the crib and letting her “cry it out” until she falls asleep.

Now will someone please tell me how long a baby has to cry to make their voice hoarse and why in the hell did they let her cry that long. Momma ain’t happy.

CIO-WTF!

Advice from the best Momma I know (mine)

As I'm discovering how to be a mom myself who better to get advice from, than my own mother, personally I think she did a kick-ass job of raising her own children! And she's always full of it (advice that is :-) So when I received this information from her recently I thought it was the BEST piece of advice I've received so far and something I wanted to share with all those mommies and mommies-to-be out there...

To being a mommy—here’s something you might be figuring out—what Stella does one week most likely will be different the next week. So it would be more correct of you to say, “Stella has slept through the night the past 3 nights in a row” rather than that it is how she does it forever and always. You’ll be saying “Stella is sleeping in her crib now” when she in fact she decides she doesn’t like it at all for the next week after that. Same thing with solid food—likes it one day, doesn’t like it the next. Likes the swing, doesn’t like the swing. Has a few good days at the daycare, then she doesn’t. So it goes.

You’re good to accept how she is in this moment and go with it. And that’s pretty much the best tip I can give you as a mother. One day you’re best buds with your child, the next day, she’s a pre-teen and driving you ever-loving nuts. But—you never stop loving her. No matter how much you argue over whether or not she should empty the dishwasher. That’s the magic of mothering and children. :-)

Clearing my Mommy Karma

I've told people for some time now that Stella sleeps through the night and the truth of the matter is she did, she just doesn't now. It was hard for me to realize this, because when she was tiny she was sleeping through the night, like nine hours a time. So when she started getting up in the middle of the night, recently, I thought it was just a fluke. Michael and I would take turns rocking her, stuffing the paci back in her mouth, she would get frustrated, I would too, Michael didn't know what to think, then I would reluctantly give her a bottle, thinking she really didn't need one, because she use to not...

So her schedule has changed and my mommy karma/ego, whatever you want to call it, got a bruise. But once I realized she's not ready to sleep through the night now, we have had much easier restful nights.

She goes to sleep every night between 7:30-8:30, such a good baby and loves her bedtime routine. She will wake up at 1ish for a snack, and then again at 4ish for another snake. Like I said now that I've accepted this, it's a lot easier, for everyone.

I'm breastfeeding through the night, because it's easier and its sort of a fun time to bond with her, quite, peaceful, and Michael's not hovering over me asking what he can do (love him). We wake her up about 6:45, change her, and feed her, she's down for another nap in about an hour if it's the weekend, and off to daycare the other days.

So there, my mommy karma is cleared: no my baby doesn't sleep through the night, but I'm OK with that!!

The Last Two Months...

have been a whirl wind, to say the least… As I sit here in my classroom, during my plan break, breast pumps hooked up, I realize how far I’ve come and how much I’ve already learned.

Stella’s birth (my labor) was what one would call “less than ideal” and after my five day stay in the hospital following the labor, due to my high blood pressure, things were getting a little unsettling. We finally made it home on the Monday afternoon following the birth. Blood pressure problems are a funny thing as you don’t realize there’s a problem and it’s frustrating to be “held against your will” in a hospital room because of something you don’t realize. Needless to say my emotions were ramped. I wanted to stay to get the right treatments, but I also wanted to go home and start my new life as a mommy. (They dared tried to release Stella before me too, don’t mess with a hormonal women people!!)

I only got six weeks off, including my Christmas break, no, it doesn’t sound right to me either, but I’m not in a position to argue. So my six week maternity leave started out late, as I was in the hospital for the first week. The second week I developed a breast infection in my left breast. It was hot, swollen, and red. I had a 102 fever and called my momma. She came up and took care of me and Stella, as it’s a whole new challenge to take care of a baby when you’re sick. Michael took a day off too, bless them both. I got antibiotics, and it took a full three days to feel like myself again.

The month of December was a fast one (not that any of them seem slow lately). My brother graduated from college, about an hour and a half road trip, Stella’s first, and she did wonderfully. The following weekend was Christmas. All our family came to us, which was nice and convenient. And the weekend after that was New Year’s and we hung out with Paul and Julie (fellow parent friends), watch the Hangover and toasted midnight with a small glass of campaign, while our babies all slept in the next room.

The rest of January was spent with me fretting about picking the right childcare for Stella when I returned to work, Michael and I having “strong” discussions about schedules, feeding, care, sleeping, me Googleing everything from ‘La Leche League’ to ‘normal poop smells’… and January 13 I was back to work.

My mom came up and stayed those two days and the following week with Stella. It was hard to leave her, though guiltfully I say it was nice to be back to the real world and have some adult interaction. The week my mom was here I got two snow days, so it wasn’t too bad. Michael spent the following week with Stella, which was good for him, nerve-racking for me. And here we are into the daycare week of it all. Which is going well as she’s only been there a day an a half due to the blizzard of 2011, makes it easier on me, but hard that next week will be the full week. It’s kind of like I got my full eight weeks with her after all.

That’s was a catch up in a nutshell, I will be posting more, at least for my sake.