A timeline of Thank Yous:

Thank you to the daycare teacher who was bit by a two-year-old Lucy. This prompted a parent teacher meeting and sticker charts, in her cubby, to help her behavior, it didn’t work, so we sought other means of intervention, early.

Thank you to the pediatrician who refused to treat or examine Lucy for any mental health issues because she was “too young” "just a typical two-year-old" "will grow out of it". Thank you for handing me a list of child therapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist who also refused to meet with a child as young as Lucy (she was three at the time). We figured it out on our own.

Thank you to the first play therapist, who called me back, who was more than happy to meet with my little three year old. Who got down on the floor and played in the sand with her, who would get out the toy dinosaurs every time, who would ask Lucy about her drawings on the white board. Thank you for working with her on her separation anxiety and telling me “Lucy needs to be in a more structured environment for her education, the current one is not a good fit for her”.

Thank you to the administrative assistant at the early childhood center who fueled my calls and concerns once I tried to register Lucy far after the deadline. Thank you for putting us on the wait-list and accepting all my paperwork late. Thank you for suggesting we look at the other building because there was less of a wait. Thank you for being patient with me when I cried when you called to tell me she had finally been accepted to the program.

Thank you to Mrs. Lemkemann, there are not enough words in the English language to explain how much this teacher has done for Lucy, our family, and our sanity. She is truly in the right profession to be working with the young people of this world. She has provided so many interventions and supports for Lucy. She loves Lucy with all her heart and we love Mrs. Lemkemann with all of ours. Thank you for taking me seriously when I asked about getting Lucy on and IEP, thank you for being so straight-forward with us about her needs. Thank you for hugging Lucy, thank you for demanding more from Lucy, thank you for working with her, teaching her to know her body and mind better, thank you for being the most amazing asset for Lucy to date.

Thank you to Mrs. Taylor for being Lucy’s nap buddy; providing stories and back rubs to calm her down. Thank you for doing joint compressions for her while she tried so hard to connect her mind and body and calm herself. Thank you for your gentle approach with Lucy, your soft voice, and kind heart.

Thank you to all the occupational therapist who worked with me and Lucy to teach us techniques so Lucy could regulate herself and restore her mind and body. Thank you for pushing her on the swings and piling pillows on top of her, and teaching her to blow bubbles with her straw.

Thank you to the strangers on the street who tries to talk to Lucy and gets her common grunt, run and hide, or screaming response. You let me know Lucy needs to be treated a little more gentle than the typical child, you let me know Lucy needs to whole-heartedly know someone before she will trust you, you let me know Lucy still needs me because I’m her mom and I know how to handle her grunts and scream.

Thank you to the friends and family members who are respectful of Lucy’s differences. Thank you for listening to us and understanding when we say things like “please don’t talk or look at her right now”. Thank you for not taking it personally and just knowing it’s who Lucy is.

Thank you to the people who said we need to discipline and spank her more, we tried that, it didn’t work.

Thank you to the online mom’s group who suggested a child psychiatrist when we were on our last straw with interventions and therapies and needed to discuss medication.

Thank you to Dr. Park, child psychiatrist, for listening to me, being knowledgeable of a young child’s mental health needs. Thank you for understanding I had come to you seeking medication for Lucy as a last ditch effort to help her. Thank you for your philosophy of “little medical intervention as possible, so these young people can still thrive”. Thank you for suggesting behavioral therapy along with medication.

Thank you to Dr. Hampton, behavioral psychologist, for sticking with us even though Lucy was horrid, rude, and hateful to you at our first three visits. Thank you for understanding how to build trust with someone like Lucy. Thank you for reassuring me I was doing a good job as a mom.

Thank you Lucy. 

Photo by SunRae Photography LLC

Advice from the best Momma I know (mine)

As I'm discovering how to be a mom myself who better to get advice from, than my own mother, personally I think she did a kick-ass job of raising her own children! And she's always full of it (advice that is :-) So when I received this information from her recently I thought it was the BEST piece of advice I've received so far and something I wanted to share with all those mommies and mommies-to-be out there...

To being a mommy—here’s something you might be figuring out—what Stella does one week most likely will be different the next week. So it would be more correct of you to say, “Stella has slept through the night the past 3 nights in a row” rather than that it is how she does it forever and always. You’ll be saying “Stella is sleeping in her crib now” when she in fact she decides she doesn’t like it at all for the next week after that. Same thing with solid food—likes it one day, doesn’t like it the next. Likes the swing, doesn’t like the swing. Has a few good days at the daycare, then she doesn’t. So it goes.

You’re good to accept how she is in this moment and go with it. And that’s pretty much the best tip I can give you as a mother. One day you’re best buds with your child, the next day, she’s a pre-teen and driving you ever-loving nuts. But—you never stop loving her. No matter how much you argue over whether or not she should empty the dishwasher. That’s the magic of mothering and children. :-)