A Summer of Sorry

I’m sure there are so many worries a first-time-second-time mom has: how will I make enough love for both my babies, how will I find the time, the energy, is this the right time to make our family bigger, do we need to have more babies . . . luckily I’ve been able to answer most of these with an open mind, but there are obvious unforeseen situations that have arose.

As I sit here sobbing as my third summer with one of the most amazing people I know draws to an end, I’m sad to say they aren’t happy tears. This summer doesn’t end with an “I’m so happy we had an amazing time” post, but rather a regretfully heavy heart; and all I can say is, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry we’ve memorized the Disney Junior TV schedule because we’ve watched way too much TV.

I’m sorry lunches sometime consisted of popcorn, cheese sticks, and bananas.

I’m sorry mommy often has to lie down, can’t play as long, gets headaches, and feels sick a lot.

I’m sorry the most common phrase I felt you used this summer is “mommy, I make it feel better”.

I’m sorry I spent more money on items to occupy you with rather than spend time to make memories with you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t stay out in the heat very long and it would cut our park trips shorter than you wanted.

I’m sorry I didn’t want to jump in the bounce house with you, and preferred to sit there and watch.

I’m sorry we went to the pool a whopping one time.

I’m sorry I looked forward to time away from my family, sometimes, more than time with my family.

I’m sorry I would take extra long showers at the gym because I knew you would have more fun with the daycare ladies than with me.

I’m sorry I lost patient with you over things a mommy shouldn’t lose patient with a two and a half year old.

But I also want to thank you for still hugging and snuggling with me every morning, for asking to take naps in mommy's bed, for stopping in mid play and asking if you could hug me, for telling me you love me whenever it came to you, for understanding, and for being my little baby girl. You are going to be an amazing big sister; you are kind, and thoughtful, creative, and fun. I can’t wait to see you in your new role. I love you. Enjoy your school year with your friends. I’ll make the summer up to you soon.