The Nose Knows

A few weeks ago we officially moved Stella to her crib. She did wonderfully as we were strong at establishing a routine for bedtime when she was tiny, and holding true to the routine the little bean falls right to sleep.

Also after the stay in the hospital it all proved too stressful for me to produce milk and Stella wouldn’t even take my breast, so we moved to just formula about two weeks ago and this combined with sleeping in her own room helped mom and dad to alternate nights.

However, lately she’s started a new waking time, an extra one. She use to sleep from 7:00PM to about 3:30AM. We would get up with her, feed her and she would fall right back to sleep until 7:00AM. But for the past two weeks she’s been waking up about 11:00PM eating a little and falling back to sleep, or should I say struggling back to sleep. No we don’t stick a bottle in her right away. We’ve tried the patting, the soothing, the singing, the mobile, the white noise machine, the swaying, the binki, but all this only leads to her crying louder so we resort to a bottle.

On Wednesday of this week I tried the rice cereal for the first time, hoping it might fix the 11:00 waking. Well she woke up, I think out of habit, but I was able to rock her back to sleep. The only catch is I also wrapped her in the nighty shirt I was wearing before I laid her back to bed.

Now the thing I’m learning about this baby thing is to not try two things at once, in this case it was the rice cereal and the nighty shirt. Trying two things at the same time will only keep you guessing which one worked, as you don’t have a control group and are too scared to take one or the other away.

Last night we didn’t have time for rice cereal, and she work up at 11:00. It was Michael’s night for the early shift (as we take shifts, not nights now) and he tried to do all the soothing, nothing worked. Then made her a tiny 3oz bottle (she’s drinking 6oz at a time). She only drank 2oz and feel back to sleep. She struggled though, and I got up… I remembered the nighty shirt from the night before so I did the same thing and she snuggled right up to it.

She naps so well in my bed against my pillow, she's even able to "self-sooth" when she's in my bed. I have now made the connection it’s about the smells. My smell in particular.

I’m working on patenting an air freshener that you can load your mommy smell into…. :-)

You Are My Sunshine

When I was little my mom would give me a bath and afterwards pull me out of the tub wrap me in a big towel and rock my in her lap while singing:

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away

I have found myself singing that song obviously more often in the last four months than I ever have before, and for good reason, I have a sunshine to sing it to now. But the one line in the song I realized was false tonight. It says “you’ll never know dear, how much I love you” but as of today I realize I do know how much my mom loves me, because I know how much I love Stella.

I love that she laughs at me and that when I talk she looks in my direction.

I love that she goes to bed so well, but hate that it’s so early, because all I want to do is play with her.

I love that I felt guilty dropping you off at daycare on my day off, because I’ve never had a reason to feel that kind of guilt before.

I love that you have blue eyes like you daddy, and that your cheeks are wonderfully soft and chubby, and great for kissing.

I love that I spend my free time reading about how to make your life easier and how to play with you so that you’re smart.

I love that my prayers consist of asking God for your health, safety, and happiness.

I love that I now know how much my mom loves me because of how I love you.

I love knowing that someday you'll be able to realize how much I love you.

RSV becomes Pneumonia

Since Stella has been in daycare, I’ve only got two calls from them, but whatever the reason, when I see the name on the caller ID my heart takes a leap. The first time they called, it was because she was going through a growing sprit and they thought they might run out of milk before the end of the day, something that could easily be taken care of. The second time was much different.

On Monday I got a call from the lovely lady who watches the infants. She informed me Stella had a rough morning, as she was crying and coughing all morning and then proceeded to vomit all her morning bottle up over herself. Then she informed me she had a fever.

Stella had been sick for three weeks, with a cold. We were in the emergency room at the beginning of those three weeks because her fever got so high, but they said it was just a virus and sent us home with the “lots of fluid and plenty of rest” remedy.

I couldn’t get off work so Michael took this one and called the doc and picked her up from daycare. According to Michael her pulse-ox (amount of oxygen in her blood) upon arrival to the doc office was in the 80%. She was rapidly breathing and grunting to get a breath. They gave her a nebulizer treatment and pulse-ox went up. Michael called to tell me the prognoses:

“So . . . don’t be worried, but . . . the doctor told me I needed to go to the hospital and check Stella into the ER”. My heart sank, I couldn’t keep the tears from coming I took a breath and tried to think. I was going to finish out the day, grab some stuff at home and head over there… YEAH, RIGHT! There was no way I was going to be able to work the rest of the day. So the wonderful secretary called in a last minute sub for me and I left.

I went home and grab things that I thought I needed: pj’s, chap-stick, contacts, toothbrush, only really hoping it wasn’t bad enough to have to stay the night.

When I got to the hospital Michael and Stella were sitting in the rocking chair of the Peds ER and rocking and singing, my heart sank again as I was so thankful to have an amazing husband to be such an amazing daddy to this little sick baby of ours. Over the period of four hours they did chest x-rays, mucus suction, nebulizer treatments, RSV check, and then they came in with the news that our baby had RSV which developed into double pneumonia (both lungs).

I cried. I bawled.

I felt guilty. I sent my sick baby to daycare; I didn’t know she was that sick, I felt like a bad mom. I felt helpless, sick. I was scared.

I made a food run for Michael and when I got back they were doing her IV. I saw my baby strapped down, screaming, scared, Michael worried and trying to calm her while they got that tiny butterfly needle into her arm. They also had her wear the oxygen tubing around her ears with the two little pieces going into her nose.

Over the course of three days she got: nebulizer treatments every four hours, antibiotics every 8 hours, a constant IV drip of fluids, and every nurse who walked through her door to fall in love with her.

Through all this, she was truly stronger than I ever was. She smiled and cooed. She played and acted like she was just fine. Her red sleepy eyes would have told you otherwise, but her smile kept me going.

Sleep Well Stella Bean

Previously before going into the hospital to be induced Michael and I set up the bassinet in our room. A lovely co-sleeper style by ArmsReach http://www.armsreach.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3_1&products_id=19 we got from a group of college friends in October, and she has slept in it every night since we've brought her home. It is honestly the one thing I have used on a daily bases and that I’m so happy about getting and would totally recommend to anyone about to have a baby.

We have toyed with the idea of the crib, putting her down for naps on the weekend. There were a few talks about moving her to her room for night time here and there. Of course I read tons of articles, blogs, and books. Talked to several reliable mommies who had good opinions on sleeping arrangements. Michael thought it would help us get more sleep, ironically he’s able to sleep through anything and isn’t the one missing sleep. Other mom’s would say they weren’t able to keep their baby in there room long at all, others said their seven month old was still sleeping with them. So it was an up and down world and I realized I had to do what was best for me, Michael, but most of all Stella.

This was one thing that was truly personal and neither I nor Stella could be rushed into.

So here we are tonight, Feb 26, 2011 and I’ve put Stella to sleep in her crib for the first time for night time. Its bitter sweet, but I think she is more ready for it than anyone and that’s what makes the situation more comforting than anything. My baby girl, though young, is growing up; becoming independent. It makes me happy to think she’s starting to develop into this littler person, one that can be on her own. It’s melancholy to know that we are no longer attached, or need to be next to each other all the time.

But that’s life. My baby will grow up but hopefully we won’t grow apart.

Sleep well Stella Bean, sleep well.

Lazy Breastfeeder...

Breastfeeding to me was one of those things I didn’t think much about. I was going to do it, I figured it was nature’s way of providing for the baby so it would work just fine. Thankfully for me it did just that. Day one of Stella’s life she was latching right on, with the help of a nipple shield, and we were making milk. I stayed in the hospital long enough with all my blood pressure problems; I was making more than enough for her by the time we left.

*Nipple Shield – my breast are rather large and with the engorgement of the milk my nipples stretched out so they weren't a good shape for her to latch on to. The shield basically suction cupped over my nipple to form a shape Stella could suck. http://www.amazon.com/Medela-Contact-Nipple-Shield-2820mm-2e-29/dp/B000YQMWLU I recommend them for anyone who might have latching on difficulties.

With my ample supply of milk and only getting six weeks of maternity leave you think I would have taken advantage of it and pumped like crazy. Only I didn’t. The first time I pumped I cried. It seemed weird to have some machine sucking on me when it could be my own daughter. It wasn’t a bonding experience and it wasn’t a loving nurturing thing to pump. So I put it away and didn’t think much about it.

A few doctor visits, pediatrician visits, and collaborations with other moms later I realized what a gift I had in this supply. So I started the pumping. I was getting about 4oz from each breast at a time. The only thing I was only pumping about once a day, thinking that would be enough.

The first week I went back to work and Stella stayed home with my mom I thought we were in business. I was still pumping about 9-10 oz total through the day and that’s about how much she was eating. The second week was just the same; however, we started to see how quickly the frozen milk was being used up and by the end of the week we didn’t have much left. So Michael and I made the decision to start supplementing with formula.
*Supplementing means to use formula when breast milk can’t be used, but to focus on breast feeding as the primary source of food.

The formula made it an easy way for me to turn lazy. I had the supply there of formula and didn’t need to maintain the milk, because I knew we had made the decision to use both. But I didn’t like being lazy and I wanted to keep nursing. I would put Stella to the breast and started to realize she would hardly get anything. Then I couldn’t remember the last time I had pumped. I was getting lazy at the expense of my own daughter.

So this week I’m back on the wagon. I’ve been nursing when she’s hungry, though she doesn’t get much and still needs a bottle afterwards, we are getting there. I pumped today at work and realize the more I nurse, pump, drink water, and eat nutritious foods, the more milk I will make. Also Michael is so supportive of breastfeeding and that makes a world of differeance and is very encouraging.

I love breastfeeding and would recommend it to everyone having a baby. It’s such a great experience, such and amazing joy to get that close to your baby, to let you body do what nature has intended it to do. I’m a big supporter and truly believe in the benefits of it. Wish me luck, my goal is to keep breastfeeding through the school year and exclusively through the summer!

CIO

I hate acronyms, I always have. I especially hate this one. I quickly realized between all the baby blogs and websites that acronyms are a common thing among this community. I would spend hours Googling them only to find out DH meant “dear husband” and other stupid stuff people could just as easily type out then come up with an acronym for.


So when I first starting researching ways to help Stella “self sooth” so she can learn to fall asleep on her own, CIO was something I came across. CIO stands for cry it out. Again no need to shorten it, not even for a text message in my opinion, but nonetheless they did. Michael and I both agreed at this young of an age Stella wasn't ready for many self-soothing methods, especially CIO. . .

We’ve enrolled Stella in a daycare, I won’t disclose which one as I’m about to bash on it rather hardcore. And I guess they really shouldn’t take it personally, I would bash on any place we take her because it’s impossible to find quality care up to my standards.
The first week Stella only attended two days as the rest were snow days. We both got the pleasure of sleeping in and snuggling. So this week was her first full week there. (Disclaimer: this week in general was a rough week. She had a cold, got her first round of shots, and developed a fever, so anything on top of that was going to cause me to breakdown).

Wednesday was the roughest night of the week. Her fever was highest, she was really stuffy, and she seemed to be going hoarse. Michael dropped her off on Thursday morning and the infant teacher mentioned that she sounded hoarse the previous day. Michael agreed and told her we thought it was because she was sick. My baby was still hoarse the next night, again still thinking it was the cold.

Friday night I picked her up and the teacher in the infant room was from another room, subbing, but she was young and talked a lot. (A good thing for a mother looking for information other people might not tell you.) I saw Stella was sleeping in the crib and asked how they were able to get her in there (as we still haven’t put her in the crib at our house, and the last I heard from daycare she was “spoiled” and would only sleep if someone held her or was in the bouncer). Well come to find out they’ve been leaving her in the crib and letting her “cry it out” until she falls asleep.

Now will someone please tell me how long a baby has to cry to make their voice hoarse and why in the hell did they let her cry that long. Momma ain’t happy.

CIO-WTF!

Advice from the best Momma I know (mine)

As I'm discovering how to be a mom myself who better to get advice from, than my own mother, personally I think she did a kick-ass job of raising her own children! And she's always full of it (advice that is :-) So when I received this information from her recently I thought it was the BEST piece of advice I've received so far and something I wanted to share with all those mommies and mommies-to-be out there...

To being a mommy—here’s something you might be figuring out—what Stella does one week most likely will be different the next week. So it would be more correct of you to say, “Stella has slept through the night the past 3 nights in a row” rather than that it is how she does it forever and always. You’ll be saying “Stella is sleeping in her crib now” when she in fact she decides she doesn’t like it at all for the next week after that. Same thing with solid food—likes it one day, doesn’t like it the next. Likes the swing, doesn’t like the swing. Has a few good days at the daycare, then she doesn’t. So it goes.

You’re good to accept how she is in this moment and go with it. And that’s pretty much the best tip I can give you as a mother. One day you’re best buds with your child, the next day, she’s a pre-teen and driving you ever-loving nuts. But—you never stop loving her. No matter how much you argue over whether or not she should empty the dishwasher. That’s the magic of mothering and children. :-)