You don’t know true fear until you’re a parent.

I had mentioned in an earlier entry that the baby has a Choroid Plexus Cyst (CPC) and that we were going back to get things checked out. I thought now that I’m 100% more relaxed and educated about the situation I would comment on it and let everyone know what is going on.

When Michael and I had our 19 week Ultra Sound (US) the tech just merely suggested to us that they will order another US because she wasn’t able to get a good read of the baby’s brain and this is something they like to have.

So the following Thursday I went in for a normal doctor’s appointment and thankfully I took my mom. The doctor checked the growth of my uterus, my weight, blood pressure, and the heart beat. Everything seemed fine and she asked me about the US. I told her it was fun to see the baby and that it was a girl.

My doctor was looking down at the papers and said “everything looks fine except” . . . . my heart sank, my emotions hit the floor and I couldn’t focus on much. I looked at her and was ready for her to finish. She explained to me that they saw a CPC, which is a cyst on the glad that makes spinal cord fluid in the US and that is why they were issuing another US. She told me the CPC has a slight association to chromosomal disorders like Downs and Trisomy 18. “But everything else looks just fine, Aubrey” I remember the doctor saying. She also told me she hadn’t personally seen the CPC have a negative outcome for any of the babies she’d delivered.

When we were checking out, the doctor told the receptionist to schedule a Level II US and that date was set for July 29. She also told me I should have blood work done. My mom met and old friend on the way out and it helped to clear my head a bit. When we stepped onto the elevator my mom said “you handled that a lot better that I thought you would have” I lost it. Cried the whole way down and out of the building and my mom had to drive me home.

The thoughts I was feeling were all conflicting and confused, I was mad at myself, concerned, scared, tired, worried. Things you can’t even imagine. And I realized at that point I had never really known true fear in my life. I hadn’t even held her in my arms and I felt for her.

The blood work, I had the following day and had to wait three days, but it came back fine. The US we are having this Thursday is to double check things. And like I said I feel better about it 100% better in fact. Though, I am still saying little prayers that she will be fine. I have faith in God and really at this point that’s all I can have. I will update everyone on Thursday – seems to be the day associated with this pregnancy far more than an email update. I wouldn’t be surprise if she comes on a Thursday (say Thanksgiving) :-)