A timeline of Thank Yous:

Thank you to the daycare teacher who was bit by a two-year-old Lucy. This prompted a parent teacher meeting and sticker charts, in her cubby, to help her behavior, it didn’t work, so we sought other means of intervention, early.

Thank you to the pediatrician who refused to treat or examine Lucy for any mental health issues because she was “too young” "just a typical two-year-old" "will grow out of it". Thank you for handing me a list of child therapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist who also refused to meet with a child as young as Lucy (she was three at the time). We figured it out on our own.

Thank you to the first play therapist, who called me back, who was more than happy to meet with my little three year old. Who got down on the floor and played in the sand with her, who would get out the toy dinosaurs every time, who would ask Lucy about her drawings on the white board. Thank you for working with her on her separation anxiety and telling me “Lucy needs to be in a more structured environment for her education, the current one is not a good fit for her”.

Thank you to the administrative assistant at the early childhood center who fueled my calls and concerns once I tried to register Lucy far after the deadline. Thank you for putting us on the wait-list and accepting all my paperwork late. Thank you for suggesting we look at the other building because there was less of a wait. Thank you for being patient with me when I cried when you called to tell me she had finally been accepted to the program.

Thank you to Mrs. Lemkemann, there are not enough words in the English language to explain how much this teacher has done for Lucy, our family, and our sanity. She is truly in the right profession to be working with the young people of this world. She has provided so many interventions and supports for Lucy. She loves Lucy with all her heart and we love Mrs. Lemkemann with all of ours. Thank you for taking me seriously when I asked about getting Lucy on and IEP, thank you for being so straight-forward with us about her needs. Thank you for hugging Lucy, thank you for demanding more from Lucy, thank you for working with her, teaching her to know her body and mind better, thank you for being the most amazing asset for Lucy to date.

Thank you to Mrs. Taylor for being Lucy’s nap buddy; providing stories and back rubs to calm her down. Thank you for doing joint compressions for her while she tried so hard to connect her mind and body and calm herself. Thank you for your gentle approach with Lucy, your soft voice, and kind heart.

Thank you to all the occupational therapist who worked with me and Lucy to teach us techniques so Lucy could regulate herself and restore her mind and body. Thank you for pushing her on the swings and piling pillows on top of her, and teaching her to blow bubbles with her straw.

Thank you to the strangers on the street who tries to talk to Lucy and gets her common grunt, run and hide, or screaming response. You let me know Lucy needs to be treated a little more gentle than the typical child, you let me know Lucy needs to whole-heartedly know someone before she will trust you, you let me know Lucy still needs me because I’m her mom and I know how to handle her grunts and scream.

Thank you to the friends and family members who are respectful of Lucy’s differences. Thank you for listening to us and understanding when we say things like “please don’t talk or look at her right now”. Thank you for not taking it personally and just knowing it’s who Lucy is.

Thank you to the people who said we need to discipline and spank her more, we tried that, it didn’t work.

Thank you to the online mom’s group who suggested a child psychiatrist when we were on our last straw with interventions and therapies and needed to discuss medication.

Thank you to Dr. Park, child psychiatrist, for listening to me, being knowledgeable of a young child’s mental health needs. Thank you for understanding I had come to you seeking medication for Lucy as a last ditch effort to help her. Thank you for your philosophy of “little medical intervention as possible, so these young people can still thrive”. Thank you for suggesting behavioral therapy along with medication.

Thank you to Dr. Hampton, behavioral psychologist, for sticking with us even though Lucy was horrid, rude, and hateful to you at our first three visits. Thank you for understanding how to build trust with someone like Lucy. Thank you for reassuring me I was doing a good job as a mom.

Thank you Lucy. 

Photo by SunRae Photography LLC

Back to Blogging

I've toyed with the idea of blogging again since we've had several life events happen in the last FIVE years. So I thought why not.
I was going to turn the blog into something about my struggles with Lucy, but after revisiting the site I realized I wanted to keep it about it's original intent, becoming a family. Lucy will play a role in this blog, just as will Cyrus and Stella as I find writing and "getting my feelings out there" rather therapeutic. There will be a lot about Lucy I'm sure, because I need more "therapeutic outlets" for her, but I am a mommy to two other babies and a wife so I need to leave the option open.
Bare with me as I find my footing again, and thank you for the support.

What's in a Name?

Lucy:

When we first told Stella there was a baby in my belly I don’t remember her initial reaction, and I think it’s because it took weeks and months for her to really start to communicate her understanding of the situation (trust me, I still have a hard time understanding such a miracle myself). Normal conversations would be about baby sister or brother and what would you name it. For a while there Stella wanted to call the baby Pink, I relate this name choice to more of the fact that she wanted a baby sister.

Then one day, she just started calling the baby in my belly, baby Lulu. We don’t know where it came from, but it stuck. So much so the teachers at her daycare would ask about baby Lulu.

In the mean time, Michael and I were still debating names… and one day it hit us, let’s check out the Lu sections of the baby name books, Stella might be on to something. For a girl the cute, classic, and familiar name of Lucy caught our attention. (I’m not one for shortening names, so it’s just Lucy, not Lucille). Plus, we had the opposite problem with the name Lucy that most people do, everyone we knew named Lucy we loved/love! So we didn’t have to turn or noses up at the idea.

The boy name we went back and forth with, remember we didn’t find out the gender with this one.    At first it was Lewis (Lu sound at least). Then Michael came in one day from work and announced “I don’t like Lewis, I just don’t want to do it”. So I asked what he had in mind and he said “Luke”, which still stuck with the Lu theme. I was on board.

Basically Stella named her baby sibling and we were still able to call it baby Lulu the whole time. It was a sweet gesture I felt both of them would really appreciate in later years.

Ramona:

Stella’s middle name is Marie, after Michael’s grandma. A woman who was very dear and near to his heart, not to mention Stella Marie just flows so well. So we went with it.

The idea of a new baby brought on some fun thoughts for names, and I always felt the middle name is a perfect space to pay tribute to a family member or friend.

My grandmother’s name is Ramona. She was a strong, independent woman who also had a lot of baggage and undo rest to her nature. I contemplated naming this one Ramona as a first name. I would get lots of praises from people when I would mention it, however I would get nervous about the self-fulfilling prophecy or expectation that might come with it as a first name namesake, and honestly I couldn’t make myself ever comfortable with it as a first name. So I put it on my middle name list. I hope my grandmother appreciates the decision we made, I can hear her say either way, but in my heart she was a wonderful lady and I can’t think of a better way to show my love for her.

A Birth Story (Baby Sister)

It was a Friday, half day at school, which means we have kids half the day and the other half is spent in professional development meetings. My principle had scheduled my maternity sub to come in and help me out in the morning and for me to meet with her to organize things (my morning was club photos for yearbook so the extra sub help was great).  We had tried to meet up the day before as well, but it was the umpteenth snow day of the semester, so needless to say I was very far behind in my planning for the semester.

I was running around all morning getting group pictures in and making sure my sub had things handled. Finally I had a break and was able to sit down with her and talk to her about the semester. I felt very rushed, almost like I needed to get everything in one day, like I knew something was up…

About 11:30 I noticed a wetness that didn’t seem normal, but it also wasn’t your typical “water breaking gush” you hear about. So in between meeting with my sub and beginning the afternoon meetings I called my doctor to ask about it. They wanted me to come in. Now you see I have a track record of being a little over cautious, so I didn’t want to jump into a hospital bed two weeks early because of a little wetness.

I called my mom to tell her what was up, she said it was good timing to be a Friday and that she would head up either way. She also told me to go to the hospital because at this time, its better safe than sorry, thankfully we now had a plan for Stella at least. During my webinar meeting I tried 20 some odd times to get a hold of Michael and finally got him. He also told me I should go, so we made a plan that I would finish out my day at school, 2:30pm, then we would meet at home.

At 2:30 we met at the house, thankfully my bag was packed, so I grabbed some bathroom essentials, just in case and Michael packed his bag. We showed up to the hospital and they got me checked in. The nurses took my vitals and checked me for amniotic fluid. They didn’t see anything, but the doctor came in and took a sample and explained to me if we see ferning on the screen then this is amniotic fluid, and if they didn’t they would do an ultra sounds to see what was going on.

The doctor walked back in about 10mins later and said “guess what I saw?” Honestly, I thought she was going to say nothing, but she said “ferning!”  I even told her “I didn’t think you were going to say that” she then replied “I didn’t either.” So they got me started on a pit drip because I wasn’t having contractions and having fluid leak for too long can lead to infection.

It was about 9:00pm I started getting regular contractions, my pit was up to about 18 (20 is the highest it goes) I was getting really excited and had to pee about every hour as well. Went to the bathroom and my contractions stopped… nothing. So my nurse upped the pit to 20 and I fell asleep. About 1:00am I woke up with contractions and Michael helped me breath through them for an hour or so when I asked the nurse to check me. I had been a “stretchy two” for the last month and I told her “I hope I’m not still a stretchy two” she checked me and told me what I didn’t want to hear “stretchy two”.

Another good hour of contractions went by and they were getting more and more intense, I asked to be checked again,  this time I was at a 3-4 and she asked me if I wanted an epidural, I asked if it was too early and she told me no, not if I felt like I needed it.

About 3:30am the anesthesiologist came in and gave me my epidural. Now I don’t divulge this information to many people because it makes me seem like such a sissy, but I’m a fainter. IV’s make me faint, getting my blood drawn by a tech who doesn’t know how to find a vein makes me faint, and I think it goes without saying a large needle in my spine will make me faint. So I set up on the side of the bed, held the pillow and the nurse while I breathed in between contractions and the needle. I fainted just after he gave it to me and they laid me down on my right side, doing this must have turned the medical tubing because I could still feel everything on my left side and numb on the right side. PAINFUL!

The nurse turned off my pit because I was in a regular pattern now. I was in so much pain, vomiting, the other stuff, trying to breath, I could feel the pit contractions on my left side and it was crazy. About 4:45am the nurse checked me again and I was a 6. Thankfully the doctor came in and tried to adjust the tubing, but it didn’t work. About 45mins more of left-side only contractions and finally I rang the nurse and told her I needed to go. She checked me and I was complete. It was one of those scenes, “get the doctor! She’s complete! Get the doctor!” almost like they weren’t expecting me to go from a 6-10 in an hour or two.

Finally the anesthesiologist came back in and said this is the last thing I can do for you, it will make you feel really heavy. I was prepped and ready to go, feeling loopy, and we were just waiting on the doctor. They asked me to do a couple practice pushes and said I looked great. The doctor showed up a little after 6:00am and we started pushing. I remember the doctor stepped out to check on another patient and returned and put on her gown and mask. I pushed a few more times and on the last push I saw my doctor watching the monitor very closely. She asked the nurse if it was “low” I didn’t know what she meant at the time, but later she told me the baby's heart rate dropped with the last contraction, which meant the cord was around babies neck. There was a quick snip, because baby needed to come out on this push. Once the head was out the doctor clamped the cord and cut it from around baby’s neck… and won’t you believe it, Michael got hit in the face AGAIN with cord blood (exact same thing with Stella). One more push, “it’s a girl!”

She was a little blue at first because of the cord, but nothing to serious and nothing a few good pats on the back couldn’t take care of! Apgar at 1 min was 8! Go baby girl! I remember getting teary eyed calling her my baby girl, thinking I don’t have just a Stella anymore. A lot of my concern was and still is with Stella, however big sister is handling the situation with grace, poise, and the most caring and loving hands; falling in love with both of my babies over and over again.

Welcome to the world Lucy Ramona! 

A Summer of Sorry

I’m sure there are so many worries a first-time-second-time mom has: how will I make enough love for both my babies, how will I find the time, the energy, is this the right time to make our family bigger, do we need to have more babies . . . luckily I’ve been able to answer most of these with an open mind, but there are obvious unforeseen situations that have arose.

As I sit here sobbing as my third summer with one of the most amazing people I know draws to an end, I’m sad to say they aren’t happy tears. This summer doesn’t end with an “I’m so happy we had an amazing time” post, but rather a regretfully heavy heart; and all I can say is, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry we’ve memorized the Disney Junior TV schedule because we’ve watched way too much TV.

I’m sorry lunches sometime consisted of popcorn, cheese sticks, and bananas.

I’m sorry mommy often has to lie down, can’t play as long, gets headaches, and feels sick a lot.

I’m sorry the most common phrase I felt you used this summer is “mommy, I make it feel better”.

I’m sorry I spent more money on items to occupy you with rather than spend time to make memories with you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t stay out in the heat very long and it would cut our park trips shorter than you wanted.

I’m sorry I didn’t want to jump in the bounce house with you, and preferred to sit there and watch.

I’m sorry we went to the pool a whopping one time.

I’m sorry I looked forward to time away from my family, sometimes, more than time with my family.

I’m sorry I would take extra long showers at the gym because I knew you would have more fun with the daycare ladies than with me.

I’m sorry I lost patient with you over things a mommy shouldn’t lose patient with a two and a half year old.

But I also want to thank you for still hugging and snuggling with me every morning, for asking to take naps in mommy's bed, for stopping in mid play and asking if you could hug me, for telling me you love me whenever it came to you, for understanding, and for being my little baby girl. You are going to be an amazing big sister; you are kind, and thoughtful, creative, and fun. I can’t wait to see you in your new role. I love you. Enjoy your school year with your friends. I’ll make the summer up to you soon. 

Angry Momma (pissed off, more like it)

Ok, so I know I haven't blogged in almost over a year... but I'm pissed off and have to get a few things off my chest before I do anything rash.
To start off, I'm pissed, momma pissed. Like -- you messed with my baby, questioning my parenting tactics  put other kids before my kids, pissed me off, momma pissed.
Call me crazy, but my kid uses a binki, nook, paci, etc. She needs it to sooth herself, here's the really crazy part: I'M OK WITH IT. For goodness sakes, I know five-year-olds who still suck their thumbs (what's the effing difference??).
Scene One: Stella started back to the same daycare in August, after our summer break. I noticed quite a bit of hesitation on her part about going back to daycare after a few weeks or so. Then I over heard one of the directors state, how they "rip, snatch, yank that thing out of her mouth". Light-bulb moment - I asked the director to stop doing this, and Stella anxiety subsided ten-fold.
Scene Two - A few months ago I noticed Stella's usual 2-3 hour nap had turned into 20, 35, 10 minutes and the one time of NO NAP that read across her daily report. I asked what was going on and low and behold, they weren't letting her have her binki during nap time anymore. We had fallen into a good routine of her not needing it during the day, and then taking it at nap time... I asked they pick up the schedule again. Crisis averted the second time and we were back to normal.
Scene Three - Today I walk in to pick her up. There is a lengthy note on her daily report as to how the other kids are starting to get jealous of Stella having her binki, and they are asking I no longer give it to her at school. I asked if she was sleeping without it, "No, she won't sleep without it"....
Now, I ask you this, are they making sure the kids who are sucking their thumbs are refraining for the children whose parents don't want their kids to suck their thumbs? Doubtful! Needless to say Stella is back to sleeping 35 minutes a day because they are refusing to give her the binki. I don't see the point. I don't know what it's like to manage 2yo (I work with 15+) but I don't see why my child has to forego, if it benifits her. She obviously needs naps, long naps, and she's not getting them.

I talked to Michael and my mom, both thinks we should try it for a while, but if she doesn't start taking efficient naps, she gets the binki. (I'll keep this updated)
I just don't understand people's hangups with binkis.... little known fact, I had mine until I was FOUR!

Magical Moon

To my baby girl,

You learned what the moon was tonight. You, your daddy, and I were walking around after dinner and the moon was big enough to still be seen in the daylight. I saw you studying it for awhile and then you pointed up to it looked at me and asked “ball?” I smiled at your curiosity and simply said “no, baby girl, moon”. You looked at it a little while, realizing before you even asked if it was a ball, it was something different, then lowered your voice and still keeping your eyes up at the moon said “mooooon”. We were at a turn on the side walk and as the stroller turned the moon moved out of sight, I watch as you watch it until it was behind the house.

I texted your Mahma about my experience and being the eloquent author she is was able to capture the moment in one word, “Magical”.

I thought about this magical moment and realized not many people can recall learning about something so far from their reality, so distant in their imagination like the moon. So I thought I would write you a letter to let you know when you officially noticed the moon. I hope this magical moment stays with you. I often call your Mahma, or your Uncle Skyler, and have your daddy drive around in circles because the moon looks extra special some nights.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the magic in my life!

With all my love,

Momma

I Gotta Remember These...

At 14 Months...

• Holding her hands up in the air "Ahp" (UP!)
• Dropping her hands fast to her side "Dho (Down)
• "BaBa" Bottle
• "Mahma" Grandma
• As she points to framed pictures, or any photos "Momma" (Haven't figured this one out yet)
• "Baaboo" (Balloon) --My favorite
• "Ho Ho Ho" (at first it was Santa, now it's anything Red and White)
• "Tanta" (Santa)
• Waving her finger "Nou Nou Nou" (No no no)
• "BoOO" (Booches, or any dog)
• "Wa" (Water)
• Signing with scrunched finger touching "Moah" (More, please, I want, get it, give me)
• Can sign thank you (touching chin then bringing hand down)
• Where's your ear (points), nose (taps), teeth (smiles a big grin), bellybutton (lifts shirt points, then looks for mine)
• Grabs my toes to "tickle" mommy, chuckles when I start laughing
• Likes to put on chap stick!
• Picks up cellphones and holds them to he ear, starts to talk
• Likes to climb things. Hikes leg up to try to get up.
• Dances to music
• Sings

Saturday Lessons

As people often say, hold on to every moment you can, because they will grow up so fast. I tear up at the thought of this post. My baby has seemingly, overnight turned from a whining uncommunicative one-year-old in to a little girl. -Using a spoon for the first time with mommy.

I've had a rough week personally, and I found myself almost getting tired of the mom thing, the wife things, the everything thing. I would somber home, get through meal time, bath time, and bed time. Michael and I would eat and I would mope around in baggy sweats and depart to bed around 8:30 or so. I could have slept the whole week and not felt rested one bit! Needless to say I was happy to see Friday come.

Michael started off my weekend right: pizza and a movie tonight! Yes, please. I fought through a headache and a Friday night show then I was off to bed. The 5:00AM call from the little munchkin wasn't as bad as it could have been, so I volunteered it to be "my morning."

We enjoyed a bottle of milk (she still takes one at bed time and nap time, and every so often in the morning) then we played with toys, and books, and puzzles. She loves using her new walking ability as much as she can and she's learned to not start throwing a hissy-fit every time she falls. It's more like an "oh" and she grunts herself back up. I love it.

We woke daddy and took a Wal-Mart run and about 9:30 the baby was out. She's doing well with naps. On the weekend, she takes about a 1.5-2hr nap in the mid morning hours, about 5 hours after she wakes up. However, at daycare they're able to get her to wait until after lunch for a nap... I don't see how.

When she woke up we had a joyous lunch and then headed to the Library. I loved just watching her make friends with the other kids there. Slowly approach them. Trying to jump like the big four year olds can, going off on her own to show her assertive confident self (I don't need them, is what I say in my head). She's wonderful. -Library Hangout

The afternoon lead into us playing and and giggling. Very little whining and crying. She can sign so well, and this helps the communication gap most toddlers and parents experience I'm sure. She says words back to you, baaboo (balloon), up, down, Tanta (Santa).... She then followed a wonderful afternoon with a great dinner time and an easy bedtime (this is typical).

She's grown so quickly in such a small amount of time. She is so happy and full. She likes learning and as a mother you almost couldn't ask for anything more.

Thank you dear Bean, I love learning from you.

Major Updates!

OK, so I realize I probably win the award for longest go at not updating a blog, but life is crazy and that's the beautiful part of it!

So here's my bulleted updates!

Late July 2011 - The Bean fought an ear infection for about six weeks. We went through three strands of antibiotics and "tube talk". Luckily the last strand of meds (powerful enough to burn nose hairs) cleared it up.

August 2011 - I went back to school and enrolled the Bean back into the same daycare we were in last Spring. So far it's proven to be a good choice and I really like all the new teachers! Stella still loves the older lady who cared for her in the infant room and it warms my heart when Michael calls to say she went right to her and snuggled. Stella got moved to the Orange Room (mobile infants) early September.

Late August 2011 - Michael and I went on our first overnight-out of town trip away from Stella. My mom (MaaMaw) came up to stay with her. I called when we arrived in Chicago and MaaMaw informed me they were at McDonald's eating apples and chicken nuggets... Mike was a little upset by this, but I thought, hey what are grandmas for? Though I did have one deep crying spell the first night, we survived.

September 10, 2011 - Stella is a beautiful flower girl in our very wonderful friend's wedding, Justin and Jaime! She was a perfect little lady in the wagon pulled down the aisle. Jaime got her the cutest little head band.

Mid September 2011 - Stella finally starts crawling... I showed up to daycare one day and she turned and just crawled right over to me like it was no thing.... Been on the move ever since! --Orange room teacher moves Stella to one nap in the afternoon only, Stella's not really ready, which leads to early nights, 5pm bed times (daddy doesn't like this!)

Nine Month Check up - 97% in everything! Still proportionate, still big! (This is when we received the last strand of antibiotics and the ear infection finally got cleared up.)

October 2011 - MaaMaw came down and met us at a pumpkin patch! Dressed Stella in her finest orange and black and went on a hayride! Didn't make it to Halloween Trick or Treating, didn't even get a costume on her, was going to bed about 5:00-5:30.

November 2011- Had Thanksgiving with MaaMaw and then with Papa Martin.

December 2011- Christmas with Daddy's side of the family on 12/17. Then with MaaMaw -- Stella got a table and chairs, and fun knick-knacks. Papa got Stella legos, and a talking teddy bear. Daddy got Stella a princess couch!

One Year Check Up - Made it to over 100%, in everything! Again still proportionate, still big! Dr. called her cautious, smart, very loving. =)

January 2012 - New Years Eve Michael and I went out while MaaMaw stayed in with Stella. She is starting to get the hang of an afternoon nap... She is teething really badly, currently. I think I counted at least four different teeth trying to break through, this causes her to wake up from naps screaming and crying, she seems inconsolable. A little Advil will do the trick and if you can get the Ora-gel in there she calms down. She does great with eating. She loves fresh veggies and fruit, which is great!! I don't enjoy giving her over processed crap food, so I will honor her requests gladly, and probably learn from them as well. She started walking (not too confidently) but she goes sideways, because her right foot turns out slightly... I'm not going to worry too much about it, and mention something at her next Dr. appointment if it's still that way. She stays up until 6:00 now, Daddy loves the longer times in the evening he can play with her. She loves to drink water! Officially got rid of formula this month. Still takes a bottle to go to bed at night, Michael thinks that might end soon.

Blessings

I counted them recently; they are vast.

Thursday.

Shower. Shaved.

Library. Good Read.

QT. Water and Hot Tamales (A Fat Free Candy).

Pool. Suntan.

Ham and Swiss. Extra Pickles.

Pure Self-Indulgence. Twing of Guilt.

Stella. Teeth, Soon!

Airplane with Daddy. Belly Laughs and Giggles.

Thursday. Good.

Crazy is OK

Yesterday I finally got my stitches out. It started out like the rest of the days had sleeping, net surfing, errands, but at 2:00 I high-tailed it over to the surgeon’s office.

As I was getting them taken out, my surgeon, an older lady, plump, with dark brown hair and bright blue eyes was talking to me about the difficulties of recovery. She mentioned numerous times my gallbladder was” hot, hot, hot, very infected” so it was a good thing to get out. But she also mentioned that bouts of depression following upper abdominal surgery are very common “So if you have crying spell, feel easily irritated, and/or just plain pissed off and you don’t know why, this very well could be it.”

Ahha!

When I was relaying the news to my mom her comment made me think… “So you’re going crazy, but it’s ok to be going crazy right now, that should make you feel a little better.” Interestingly enough it did. Something goes haywire and you don’t have an explanation for it you only consider your going crazy, but if someone tells you haywire things are normal for about six weeks post surgery, “going crazy” doesn’t seem so . . . crazy.

Depression is a fickle thing in the human life. I think I’m right to guess all of us, at least once, will go through depression spells. We lose a loved one, we get diagnosed with something, we hit our head on the car door after a long hard day a work, or we just drop our phone in the toilet and have no means of communication. Whatever the size of the wave of depression, we all can at least relate to the down-in-the-dumps, hopelessness feeling that is associated with something slightly taboo to talk about.

So I guess my mom’s right; the crying spells, the sleeping 3-4 hours during the day, the lack of interest in things, is to be expected after undergoing two surgeries, diagnosed with hypertension, and delivering a baby in less than a year… Currently (for four weeks) I’m cleared to “go crazy”!

Realization day….

I had a realization that this recovery week might not be 100% physical, but also mental. And I have a feeling Michael and my mom knew that, sneaky.

After the adventure and a night without A/C the morning started off well. It was 10:00 before everyone left so again I was left with the thought not too long to wait until everyone gets home. I dilly-dallied on the internet for some time, until realizing the Facebook status updates had become stagnant and then decided to take a bath. Yes, a good old fashion bath, I turned the water on as hot as it would go, squeezed a much bubble bath as I could, and melted in. I think I stayed there for at least a half hour, the water was chilled by the time I decided to rinse off in the shower, well worth it as far as mental recovery is concerned.

Made myself a ham and Swiss sandwich and ran errands, and by that time it was 2:30. I found myself upset I only would get about a 2 hour nap before everyone got home – again I think this was starting the mental recovery. So I tried to sleep, didn’t happen quite as long as I’d hope. Made a fruit salad and Michael, Stella, and I went to a friends for dinner. Life is hopefully back to normal sooner than expected.

Best part of the day Stella got fussy about midnight and we brought her into bed with us to sleep the rest of the night away. In love! (PS realizing Stella seems to really enjoy her daycare buddies)

Recovery Week - Day One

Yesterday was my first day in my week of recovery. Though it may seem minuscule in the scheme of life, I am still in need of this week, and much recovery.

Michael and my mom did some convincing that Stella should go into daycare for a week. Though I feel like I could lift her and take care of her myself, my second organ removal of the summer and the caring people in my life disagreed. So yesterday at 7:00AM my husband took my Bean to be cared for by more able bodies.

The day started out as I expected, I cried. A lot. I cried because I wasn’t capable of taking care of my baby, I cried because my summer didn’t go as planned, I cried because I had multiple organs removed in a matter of months, which is ridiculous, I cried because I missed my mom, I cried because of the toll these stupid situations are taking on my relationship with Michael, and after I cried it all out I slept. A lot.

I think I would have slept the day away not wanting to be awake without Stella here, not wanting to think about how my plans for the most amazing summer, where we were going to start table food, and learn to crawl, and maybe start saying “da da” had gone to crap. But Michael called about noon to check on me, it was good to talk to him and he convinced me to get up and get out.

Showered and put together I made a taco run, a Wal-Mart run, and little here and there errands. It was good to get out and I was thankful it was late afternoon as I wouldn’t have to wait too long for them to get home. I spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching stupid reruns and about 4:45 sat at the window seat that overlooks the driveway. Once I saw the truck pull down our street I ran out to meet them. I couldn’t see, hug, squeeze, smell, and kiss them soon enough and was so thankful they were home at a good time.

Typical night followed with dinner and “night night” and Michael and I laid on the couch with each other and just talked; though thankful for the day to myself I think most of my recovery happened while I was with them.

We are on day two of recovery, started off rocky with no A/C, but my skillful husband was able to fix it (as he’s able to fix a lot of things) so I hope it doesn’t stay rocky.

My Better-Half (The Window Cleaner)

With father’s day in June and another blogger I follow paying homage to their spouse I got on a Michael kick, and figure I should honor it.

Michael and I have known each other for eight years now, married almost four of those years and together nearly seven of them so I figure an acknowledgement is the least I can do. After all I’m reminded daily of the things that would be impossible without him, i.e. Stella. But it’s another take to look at what is actually possible with him.

For instance we were cleaning our house last night and he suggested washing the windows. “The windows?” I thought, are they really that dirty we need to clean them? So I skipped over the suggestion light-heartedly and did something else. However, today the cleaning bug got a hold of me and I started cleaning the upstairs and turned to the windows. I could tell immediately they were dirty when I sprayed the Windex across them. I stood there rather astonished and then noticed how dirty all the windows actually were. So after I cleaned them all I realized with Michael’s help I was able to make a good thing (what I thought was a good thing) better. Though a long stretch for a metaphor, I felt it was a perfect at describing what Michael does best.

He’s able to take a good thing, say me, and make it even better. Just with a little suggestion, and a hard headed lady to actually follow through, it got better.

I lost a lot of my self confidence in college, the one repeated characteristic Michael said made him initially fall in love with me. Somewhere between the mixture of books, heartache, Freshman 15, bad roommates/good roommates, and my parent’s divorce, I lost it. Michael has always been trying ways to help me find it, but I somehow just refuse. Sometimes it’s like the windows acting like I will, but with really no intention of doing so, or I flat out yell and scream a refusal.

My window cleaner, that’s what he is. Truthful, helpful, madly in love with his daughter. Turning to me for the smallest little kiss or cuddle, when I shrug it off. “I’m too tired” the lustlessness is strong with a seven month old in the house. But with each jester, cute texts, sweet touches I grow a little more confident and realize Michael will eventually win me over. I will catch some bug and actually decide to clean those windows and realize how much Michael can do for me.

Maybe I really need to consider my window cleaner’s ability a little more and just try it… After all a little Windex never hurt anyone.

Ear, teeth, lungs, cranky-pants!

Well you would think a mother who has all summer off with her gorgeous baby would write more often about the wonderful trips we are taking, the long hours spent in the library, the daily trips to the pool, etc. Or you may think that’s one crazy and busy momma, we’ll hear about all the fun at the end of the summer… That’s my hope.

Michael and I have used the phrase “we just can’t get ahead” quite often in our life together. Most of the time this has referred to him getting laid off at inopportune times (when is it opportune?). Just when we think things will work out, we can finally get a bill paid off, something snaps and we are back to square one. I guess you could say this is how my summer started off.

I was all set to walk a group of my students down for graduation the Sunday of my first summer off and woke with a horrible pain in my “lower left abdomen”. A quick trip to the ER, blood work, and a CT scan later I had appendicitis. Surgery the next day and sent home with lifting restriction of 20lbs for 15 days. Thanks to my perfect DNA combine with Michael’s, also perfect, DNA we made a huge baby and yes at 7month she weighed just that, 20lbs!

"Just can’t get ahead" – We are still paying off Michael’s appendectomy from 2009!

So the first week my mom and Michael do what they do best and cared for me and the Bean. The second week Stella and I took an impromptued visit to my mom’s and stayed the week with friends and lifting assistance, it’s easy when your babies cute!

The third week things started to get back on track. I figured out Stella preferred a grand schedule that alternated solids, and bottle feedings, and naps almost to a T. I was thrilled. Things were going well. We made a stop by the library, the pool, play-dates with other babies…

But alas “We Just can’t get ahead”

Stella developed a bad ear infection (her first, and God willing her last) over the weekend. This gave her breathing problems and a low-grade fever. She’s been on Albuteral treatments and antibiotics since Saturday; another scare and glitch in the system life. Her breathing seems to be better, and then worst, so I can’t figure out if we’re ever on the upswing with that. The infection and pain in her ear seems to be subsiding, but the antibiotics are giving her diarrhea and bad diaper rash. She doesn’t have an appetite, therefore she only want a bottle (this doesn’t help the diarrhea) so I’m slipping rice into her bottles.

She started teething again. I hope this time is for real and we actually see some results. I think I feel bumps and I think this is another cause of her low appetite. Needless to say she's uncomfortable, sleepy, and just plan cranky.

Hopefully things thin out this week and we just get ahead!

Photo of my "Sick Bean" taken by her Auntie Michele

Stella Bella

A button nose
And sapphire eyes
Rose petal lips
And giggly sighs

Squeals and squeaks
Bubbles and coos
My life is blessed
With I love yous!!

Written by the world's greatest Grandma.

Summer's a Comin'

Well I officially have 5.5 days left until I am off all summer. I am so overjoyed by this tid-bit of information I can hardly keep it to myself. And the best part of it all is it’s keeping me in a good mood! Stella and I are literally going to spend every waking hour together this summer and I couldn’t be more thrilled about anything, I’m serious folks, not even a trip to Hawaii could beat out this feeling I have!

· I had my first officially mother’s day this month. It was wonderful. I spent it with Stella, Michael, and my mom (my three favorite people ever). Michael got me flowers, my mom cooked for us and we went on walks, fabulous. (Also if you aren’t catching on, I’m easy to please)
· I’m wrapping up things with school. All my students are focusing on their big final projects and seniors are out of here in less than a week. I’m working hard on getting my first yearbook together and complete by the end of next week!
· I’ve decided to grow my hair out and go dye-less this summer, admittedly, though I am starting to gray right at my hair line, so we’ll see how long that last.
· Michael and I have it on our agenda to act as though we’re paying the $200 a week for daycare, but instead paying down stupid bills and hopefully catching up by the summer’s end.
· We don’t have any vacations planned, though we may venture to Tennessee to see Michael’s sister or Georgia to see his Aunt, this contradicts us saving money so we’ll see.
· I’ve bought a bike trailer and am looking for a bike. Stella and I are going to hit the pool and trail daily so I can work this extra weight off. She’ll be my motivator for sure.
· Stella starts SKIP swim lessons May 30, totally excited for this!!!

Stella is a great eater, has been for a few weeks now. We started her on the rice cereal just at four months, and kept that up for a few weeks or so. We started adding pureed veggies and grains and things are going great. She gums on apple pieces and bananas if she can pick them up.
She’s been a wonderful sleeper since day one! And for this I am so thankful. She does wake off schedule ever once in awhile and this week seems to be one of those; getting up at 11 or 12ish for a bottle and again at 3 or 4ish. I read teething and developmental accomplishments will disrupt sleeping habits. I think she’s going through both. She’s able to sit now, though not full on her own. She was rolling a while back but hasn’t managed to do it again, and still hates tummy time.
Six month check up will be in June.

The Nose Knows

A few weeks ago we officially moved Stella to her crib. She did wonderfully as we were strong at establishing a routine for bedtime when she was tiny, and holding true to the routine the little bean falls right to sleep.

Also after the stay in the hospital it all proved too stressful for me to produce milk and Stella wouldn’t even take my breast, so we moved to just formula about two weeks ago and this combined with sleeping in her own room helped mom and dad to alternate nights.

However, lately she’s started a new waking time, an extra one. She use to sleep from 7:00PM to about 3:30AM. We would get up with her, feed her and she would fall right back to sleep until 7:00AM. But for the past two weeks she’s been waking up about 11:00PM eating a little and falling back to sleep, or should I say struggling back to sleep. No we don’t stick a bottle in her right away. We’ve tried the patting, the soothing, the singing, the mobile, the white noise machine, the swaying, the binki, but all this only leads to her crying louder so we resort to a bottle.

On Wednesday of this week I tried the rice cereal for the first time, hoping it might fix the 11:00 waking. Well she woke up, I think out of habit, but I was able to rock her back to sleep. The only catch is I also wrapped her in the nighty shirt I was wearing before I laid her back to bed.

Now the thing I’m learning about this baby thing is to not try two things at once, in this case it was the rice cereal and the nighty shirt. Trying two things at the same time will only keep you guessing which one worked, as you don’t have a control group and are too scared to take one or the other away.

Last night we didn’t have time for rice cereal, and she work up at 11:00. It was Michael’s night for the early shift (as we take shifts, not nights now) and he tried to do all the soothing, nothing worked. Then made her a tiny 3oz bottle (she’s drinking 6oz at a time). She only drank 2oz and feel back to sleep. She struggled though, and I got up… I remembered the nighty shirt from the night before so I did the same thing and she snuggled right up to it.

She naps so well in my bed against my pillow, she's even able to "self-sooth" when she's in my bed. I have now made the connection it’s about the smells. My smell in particular.

I’m working on patenting an air freshener that you can load your mommy smell into…. :-)